


try

by Luna_Arsenica



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: -ish tbh, Angst, Character Study, Fluff, Kinda, M/M, it's more like big hc time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 05:04:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20204185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luna_Arsenica/pseuds/Luna_Arsenica
Summary: "Then I see you standing thereWanting more from meAnd all I can do is try"Minami fell in ---- and his life suddenly became more dramatic than any movie he'd ever starred in.





	try

Minami was an actor. He had been for a long time now, before he even had the chance to pick a way in life for himself. And as an actor, he acted.

He was always playing a character, everyday, to satisfy whoever he was engaging, at least long enough, at least until they finally left him alone. His life had become a constant change of masks, something that he was living more through characters than as himself.

(So instead of going to school normally, he'd play a student. Instead of going to field trips, he'd travel to film. Instead of having a loving family he'd have the role of a dedicated parent's kid. Instead of having friends, his character in a drama was a very popular boy.)

Except when left alone he barely knew who he was anymore.

Minami's attempts at solving this seemed to help at first, but he had his doubts now that it hadn't just made things worse. In the end, it led to him joining ZOOL, and maybe sometimes things really had to get worst before they could get better.

It was the frustration of (eventually) losing the only person he could be himself around that made him swear he'd just do whatever he wanted once he was back in Japan, after all.

Maybe he'd find Minami Natsume like that.

(He had to be  _ somewhere _ .)

When ZOOL eventually became an outlet for him to experiment, to try what was and what was not himself... He wondered if that wasn't making his relationship with his team members harder for them.

Maybe he was too fickle. Maybe being kind one day and suddenly distant on their next meeting, after realizing what it meant to become closer, was making them all just give up on understanding him.

(He knew he'd just give up on himself if he was the one who had to take that.)

But he was wrong. Somehow, he was wrong.

He was especially wrong about Touma, who's kindness just seemed to have no limits. He seemed like the kind of person who just couldn't  _ not _ help someone in trouble.

And wasn't Minami in trouble about  _ that _ .

That annoying tendency their leader had to get over-involved in things they could've avoided otherwise ended up surprising Minami. More than anything, he was surprised when  _ he _ ended up involved in things he would've easily escaped if it was his own call.

But Minami seemed unable to just say 'no' to Touma. More specifically, he seemed unable to refuse when that particular brand of selflessness emerged and  _ Minami _ was the one who could help.

(He never wanted to be serious at first. He'd pretend he was just half-heartedly doing whatever he could do, just because he was asked to and he had no reason to refuse. No one had to know just how much he'd do if it was Touma asking.)

In the end, maybe he was making him a better person. Maybe he was making Minami remember his own kindness.

And yet, he still wondered how Touma managed to be so brave. Was he just stupid? Minami just wanted to sit him down and explain that if you don't want to be hurt and you want to protect yourself, you  _ don't _ go out of your way to make others happy.

He always decided against it because, as anxious as he felt every time he saw Touma's eyes get that determined glint about something, he knew he was going to say "yes". He knew he just couldn't let him go and get himself hurt alone.

In the end, it all came down to making a choice, and Minami knew he had to make it quickly. His heart had made it's mind already, and it was just his own fears that were stopping it from going all out.

'You have to live your life making the choices you know you can live with', was what Haruki told him when Minami questioned his  <strike> sanity </strike> decisions, but he wasn't ready to understand it at the time.

Minami was pretty sure he still wasn't ready to act on it yet, but he could see himself starting to understand, and all thanks to that stupid dog running right into the traffic, right into the fire for no other reason than being unable to hold back. All because Minami couldn't hold back himself on running after him.

He couldn't say it yet. He couldn't bring himself to say [I l e you], and not because it didn't feel real. Being with him was the realest he'd ever felt.

It was because he had forgotten who he was. Rather, he had never been allowed to  _ be _ himself, so he didn't even know if he had a personality, interests, feelings or anything  _ real _ . Anything that was really Minami Natsume.

He was just starting to get used to owning his life, to the ability of being himself. He was still looking for all the things he might have been and trying to connect with something. And although he might have found a place to belong, and someone to l**e, he... 

He wasn't sure he had anything to offer back himself.

And still. And yet. He had to act quickly.

He found a gem in Touma, a treasure that he was just hoping against hope that no one else saw yet. He was just praying every day that no one else realized how precious he was, just how much he was worth, so that no one would steal him away before he could do something.

Minami wasn't really sure he had anything to offer. But Touma seemed really intrigued to find something in him. Even when Minami himself thought he was empty, he'd smile and piece everything Minami meant to him together.

And that was a person. That was not just any human in the world, that was someone he had an interest in. Someone he wanted to be with.

Minami's feelings started boiling very slowly. He was the kind who was always checking the stove to make sure it didn't overflow, but he might have to turn it off to prevent that in this case and he suddenly found himself unable to.

Even so, even when Minami was just listening to the rest of ZOOL making a ruckus wherever Touma had managed to drag them to, he knew resistance was futile. He had developed feelings, he was warming up to this.

(This group. The company of this people. This situation of pretending to resist a charm they couldn't fight. This, the very definition of youth.)

"Why a butler cafe, though. Couldn't it be a maid cafe if you wanted to be called 'master'" Torao complained, but Minami knew he wasn't  _ really _ complaining. No, he was doing exactly the same negotiation with himself that Minami found himself doing every time it came to meeting out of work. He was just pretending this wasn't enjoyable.

"I didn't want that! And you'd get too distracted if it was a maid cafe!"

Of course, Touma couldn't let that comment go, but more than anything, he had to sound convincing. Maybe he couldn't just say he'd be happy anywhere, but that was probably the truth.

"Isn't Haruka getting distracted with the cakes anyway"

"No, see, when Haru eats cakes he gets in a good mood so it's actually good for all of us"

Minami chuckled at their small debate, looking to his side to find the boy in question ignoring their banter in favor of a big slice of chocolate mousse cake.

(He was, also, pretending he wasn't having fun at their talk. He "wasn't listening" to them just like Torao wasn't happy to be there, like Minami was just going along with it so they would stop bothering him.)

"Well, makes sense, but why is Minami here then?" Torao concluded, finally, after Touma's arguments ran out.

"Isn't it obvious?" Haruka finally joined the talk, fork reading the next bite while he explained, nonchalantly "It's because Touma asked pretty please"

"Aaah, right" Torao seemed to accept it quite easily, and if that made Minami want to crawl under a rock he was doing his best not to show it.

"Really? Couldn't it be Mina just likes butlers?" and coming as a surprise to no one, it was precisely Touma who couldn't believe that, despite everyone else realizing Minami's soft spot for him.

"No, it's because you asked. Definitely." Torao joined Haruka's shrug at Touma's confused reaction.

"So you don't actually like butler cafés, Mina?" Touma's smile seemed pretty happy, probably flattered that maybe, maybe, what everyone but him knew was true.

Minami wasn't ready to be blunt about it yet. But he was ready to start. He was ready to drop a flirty smile or comment here or there, to dare Touma to realize his feelings before he could confess them properly.

"... Maybe I do. Or maybe I just have a thing for redheads"

Touma's blush at Minami's words was very cute, almost worth the trouble, and perhaps, it wasn't hope against all hope to pray that he wouldn't lose that dare.

**Author's Note:**

> "minami's crush with touma is just him mentally facepalming everytime touma does something that could hurt him" is a hc I've had for a while and talking about that and the other hc (minami barely knows who he is) were things I talked about with sora then wanted to write. then I really went and did it. whoo.
> 
> tittle and quote from Try by Nelly Furtado, hope you enjoy this short thing


End file.
